a dentist appointment is an oddly relaxing experience now
Whirring, whining, drilling, squeaking, gushing, sucking. Sounds of wet flesh and machine as they entangle in the dance of dental medicine.
I swear I am not a psychopath. Atleast my psychiatrist has not broken the news to me yet.
When I was a young boy I was terrified of the dentist, and to exacerbate it, dental hygiene was not really a point of strick upholding in my house at the time (gross I know) so trips to the dentist were rare. It was impossible for me to grow the singular hair on my chin to be courageous.
The few times I went, a check up would take ages, because I would cower behind my mother or in a corner, not even looking at the dentist, no where near his chair of horrors. The dentist (who I still go to sometimes) was immensely patient with me and eventually through tears and physical restraining we would get my needs sorted out.
That had to change eventually. The necessity of permanently leaving *********** to London was the push I needed to overcome my ancient horror.
How would I even find a dentist in that huge metropolis? I need to do everything now, because I don't want to come back (I had to go back multiple times).
It was weeks of holes drilled, holes filled, trimming of weird angles, and later a root canal which was a looming shadow for a while1. That exposure really changed my perception of the experience. In my need, I transformed my fear into... enjoyment? Surrender?
You are laying down on a comfy chair while someone highly trained, is using high-tech machinery to manipulate your exposed skeleton. They have their hand in your mouth2, pressing around, lathering tooth and gum with god knows what, while they ask you questions which you cannot possibly answer. They are drilling holes in there, sanding bits down, digging between teeth and gum.
I feel like one of those sharks in documentaries, which have weird little fish chomping away at parasites between their teeth, or a hippo with those small birds in their mouths. In those clips you always see the animal being groomed getting heavy eyelids, going into a trance, slowly wading into a nap. I can relate to that feeling. The noise, the odd pain, the taste of blood and tooth, all point towards a process of cleanliness that I could never achieve by myself. It's like scratching an itch you cannot possibly reach on your own.