i miss having pockets
Stands up.
My name is ******** and I am a pocket addict.
Last winter the clothes I wear started to feel itchy. Not in a hygienic sense, I promise. Rather, I started to feel wrong in them.
In London my philosophy was efficiency and preparedness. You must carry all the things you need while staying dry and mobile. In the metropolis, the ability to navigate and get somewhere quick, when you are hours away by foot from home, is paramount. The war zone necessitated a way of dressing that was adapted to it.
I gravitated towards technical wear. Pockets, waterproofing, velcros, quick-drying polyester blends. At one point I had 12 pockets, and each had a purpose. Life felt good, I was ready for anything.
Those days are over.
Unlike London, Lisbon is not actively trying to annihilate me. It doesn't matter if my phone battery runs out, or if I get soaked, or if my cards are in the wrong place when I have a queue behind me. In this tiny city, I can walk home from anywhere in less than an hour.
Realising this, I have started to dress in a way that reflects leisure rather than function. It is taking time to adjust. The process has become a way to explore aspects of my personality which I took for granted.
Growing up I was dependent on other people. My liberty was consistently curtailed by the will and attitude of others around me. The metropolis accentuated my need to be self-sufficient and in control. As a consequence, my clothing reflected that, and my personality hardened in that direction. In a sense, this development was a way to fight back against those things in my youth which I deeply resent.
But now what is there to fight? The city is tame, I do not feel the same survivalist pressure anymore. In addition, that resentment is now so far in the past that it feels ridiculous to continue fueling, even if through something as seemingly inconsequential as a fashion choice. Wearing clothes for comfort rather than function has become a very odd way to let go of that old wound.
But damn, self-development aside, I wish these nice trousers had more pockets...